Fatal Triangulation...

Live in the moment....some are more difficult than others. Case in point:

Regular visit to movement disorder clinic last week...disturbing wait, today. In the center of the waiting area was a man writhing in a wheelchair, breathing hard breath with great labor, his mouth an open cavity with lips pulled back over a tootless rim. On another side with a Persian man in his sixties, also in a wheelchair, but otherwise relaxed, accompanied by his wife and a daughter of twenty or so. And there was I....
For one moment there was a connection between all three...I looked at him, looking at me, looking at him....each, as if for a moment acknowledging a silent but implicit linkage. This is not your Disney's "Circle of Life".... hakuna 'f****** matata, indeed!

As for the deathly ill, man - he was seemingly all on his own, in terrible and loud distress, even in a hospital with various medical folk walking by. Everybody seemed to assume, even I for a while, that SOMEBODY was looking out for him. No one was - I finally went to the desk to tell the receptionist...just as I did he fell rigid from his chair to the floor, drooling. Several onlookers, including myself, rushed to set him upright - his body was heavy, tense, petrified, ready for rigor mortis. While you never really know where you're heading, looking at this as a possible end trajectory for your own journey was truly disturbing.

As a young child, I remember many times closing my eyes and pressing just so to see an internal mosaic within, and imagine meeting my future self walking the other way as I returned from school heading north on Crotona Avenue in the Bronx. Invariable, my older self was a handsome, smiling and accomplished business-sort-of-guy who would smile, give me a big 'thumbs up!" and head along his way to whatever sort of hip important stuff it was I do in the future now past.

Now its more like the Matt Groening cartoon I can't find....visiting self from the future pops in, diseased, ill and broken, says to his younger self, he sez....'son, I'm you from your future.....and I've got bad news!" Maybe from this point on I just commune with my younger self.....